Moving Across the Ocean
Its daunting to move to a new place but somehow I have already done it two times. First time left my country and the second time left the city where I finished studying. Its a new beginning every time and every time you are forced to start all over again. You become good at knowing things that make you comfortable, things that you cannot live without. It is a process that gets frustrating at times, not going lie. Sometime you want to scream and just wish you had someone to help you take care of all the things you have to do to start living a comfortable life. You feel it will never end. But as time goes by you slowly start becoming comfortable in the new nest you created for yourself.
I left Bangladesh mostly because I could not be myself. I felt trapped. Trapped in my own mind, in my own thoughts, censored my every move, my every idea. It was hard being a women and exist the way everyone wants you to exist. If I have stayed longer, I might have gone crazy. No, actually ,I was already going crazy. When I came to the US, I thought it was weird that I stopped thinking about harming myself. It was a big realization for me as I normalized depression for 2 years while I was there. It was probably , the first time I realized the big impact your society can have upon yourself.
The second time I moved from my college to New York for my job. It was a different type of move. By this time I have figured out how life in American works. But I never really got to know how to do all things that is considered as "adult things". I once again had to leave my 4 year old nest in college, leave my boyfriend and move to New York. Moving .to New York is lonely and it is still lonely. It takes courage to leave everything you have build for four year and start all over again. Some time people you love, people you care about leave you as they cannot handle the distance. All you are left with are your sweet memories while you spend your lonely time in a new city. It is not a new beginning. It is a new beginning after a disaster.
I left Bangladesh mostly because I could not be myself. I felt trapped. Trapped in my own mind, in my own thoughts, censored my every move, my every idea. It was hard being a women and exist the way everyone wants you to exist. If I have stayed longer, I might have gone crazy. No, actually ,I was already going crazy. When I came to the US, I thought it was weird that I stopped thinking about harming myself. It was a big realization for me as I normalized depression for 2 years while I was there. It was probably , the first time I realized the big impact your society can have upon yourself.
The second time I moved from my college to New York for my job. It was a different type of move. By this time I have figured out how life in American works. But I never really got to know how to do all things that is considered as "adult things". I once again had to leave my 4 year old nest in college, leave my boyfriend and move to New York. Moving .to New York is lonely and it is still lonely. It takes courage to leave everything you have build for four year and start all over again. Some time people you love, people you care about leave you as they cannot handle the distance. All you are left with are your sweet memories while you spend your lonely time in a new city. It is not a new beginning. It is a new beginning after a disaster.
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